I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
