the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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