so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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