the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
