so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
