Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize