she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
