bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Randomize
