I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize