found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
