Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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