I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
