fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
