So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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