He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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