my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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