maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
