girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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