woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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