It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
