there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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