He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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