Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
