At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
