I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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