And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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