My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize