I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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