this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
