Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
