Everything about him screamed your future.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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