my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
