I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
