The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
