I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
