i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
