maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
