I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize