I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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