y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
