Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
