Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize