I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
