Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
