Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We're too hungover to prance.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
