Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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