This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
