I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
