I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
