I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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