so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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