You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
