just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
