Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
a search helicopter?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
