if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
