i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize