They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
