i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
