shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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