my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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