in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
