after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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