I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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