My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
